


Finding Balance (Interlude)

by Kypros



Series: Anima [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Drinking, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-War, Relationship Problems, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 19:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6718063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kypros/pseuds/Kypros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day Naruto was married, Tenzou was in his bathroom listening to the radio’s wavy, quiet din. He had never thought things were  going to turn out like this, but then again his and Kakashi's relationship had always been anything but normal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding Balance (Interlude)

The day Naruto was married, Tenzou was in his bathroom listening to the radio’s wavy, quiet din.

The door to the hallway was cracked just an inch and from behind the curtain in the bathtub he could hear a quiet knock. A second later, there was a reluctant step inside as bare feet shuffled across the smooth tile floors and then the sound of rushing water pooling into the shallow basin of the sink filled the room. Tenzou pulled back the curtain ever so slightly and glanced at the intruder, his head leaned back into the cool albeit moist ceramic wall. Kakashi had entered and was staring at himself in the mirror, the untied sash of his formal kimono hanging loosely around his waist.

Tenzou watched with muted interested as the other washed his hands under the rushing water and dried them slowly on a damp bath towel. He then changed the radio station when the fuzzy music was interrupted by the humdrum of a quiet, solitary announcer. The taps were then turned off and the water in the sink rushed down with a gurgling goodbye. Tenzou in turn sunk down as well, eyes closed with his pruned hands dragging back his short hair behind his ears. The lost, loose strands pooled in front of his eyes like a cloud of murky seaweed despite his attempt.

Kakashi was near the edge of the tub when Tenzou slid back up, breathing in through his wet mouth, an odd expression on the other man’s face. Tenzou brought his knees to his chest and simply stared at him, as if to quietly ask through expression alone as to why Kakashi was still there.

Kakashi simply smiled, the unfastened hem of his robe dipping into the lukewarm water when he leaned in to tuck the stray wet strands of his hair from out of his eyes. The radio flooded them with heavy static and Tenzou swatted Kakashi’s hand away, scowling at him to get out.

By the time Tenzou had curled into one of his old, well-worn bathrobes, loosely tied and damp, the other man was already gone.

\---

“It’s an honour to have you all here today,” the girl said, beautifully brushed out of her dirty, green uniform and introduced in flowing silks and glowing whites. Hinata was all colour, all rosy skin and hair curled artfully over her shoulder, like she didn’t need the assurance of how beautiful she was. And the colour of her eyes—well, they were simply beautiful, wide and bright—and they swung over Tenzou like he wasn’t even there.

Tenzou flattened himself against the wall, fingers curling around the curving base of his third cup of plum wine and listened to the rest of the speech with restless, distracted ears. He noted that Kakashi was lingering at some distance away, not impatient, but unwilling to stay around for any longer than need be. Gai was by his side and mutely, Tenzou frowned.

He found Kakashi looking at him when he brought the cup to his lips for a fourth time, the aching bitterness of the wine making his tongue tingle and his mouth flood, but he swallowed it down anyways. The night was warm, but the colour of Kakashi’s eyes reminded him of the cold winter nights in Tetsu no Kuni, and without reason, his arms prickled. Then, Kakashi leaned into Gai, his gaze abandoning him. Tenzou sighed and looked away, the moment lost when one of the Estate's servants sidled up next to him.

“Thank you,” he said paying her back in kind, his voice a little too deep, a little too slow, and he exchanged his empty glass for another full one. He smiled at the girl when he was done and watched her flush pink and smile back uncertainly, as if she was all too unsure of what to make of the quiet, older man. With the glass in hand, he looked back to Kakashi, and he found the other man glancing back again, eyes dark like the eclipse of a moon.

\---

The hour was still early when Tenzou made his escape from the festivities into the Hyūga Estate gardens for the purpose of fresh air. It was only when he found himself lost within the expanse of the winding greenery did he realize he was not alone. Kakashi was there, two steps behind him and Tenzou paused, allowing the other man to match his pace.

The warm summer night smelled sweet like the flowers in the garden when when he breathed in deep, but it was the scent of Kakashi’s soft smelling soap from earlier that held his attention. Still, he was mildly drunk and he knew it, and so he didn’t say a word. As they walked, the silence endured, but the heels of his wooden geta continued to crunch down on the pebbles of the stony pathway. Kakashi, as if unsure of where the sound had originated from, stilled for a second, eyes flickering down to the source of the noise. It was only when Tenzou took another unsteady step forward did his gaze retract.

“You look really good today,” Kakashi said kindly, and Tenzou noted that the other man’s eyes were bright and warm when he found the courage to look at him. Unwittingly however, Tenzou instead felt the warmth of embarrassment flood his face and felt an odd stirring in the depths of his chest. Then, undone, he looked away.

The alcohol had freed unknown compartments of his mind, and he reminded himself of what they were, and that Kakashi had always been deceptively coy about their relationship since they had decided to be together in those tumultuous months post-war. While a few people did know about them—namely, their students and a handful of close friends—the other man had never been forthcoming about their relationship. And while the recent compliment had been meant as something simple and nice, it had instead brought forth accidental anger in his chest and reminded him that Kakashi had always kept him at an arm’s reach when they were in public together. Even now, the other man while intentionally or not, was doing it. It was a thought that had been consuming him ever since the early hours of the morning and Tenzou mutely drew his lips tight.

The other man sighed, and if Tenzou’s expression had shown any bitterness, it was perhaps transparent as Kakashi moved away, looking to the expanse of topiary instead.

“Do you think I _like_ us being like this?” Tenzou suddenly blurted out. His eyes were glued to the ground, the grey shale pebbles crunching under foot. It matched Kakashi’s eyes he thought, and defeated, he shook his head and sighed.

Kakashi stilled and pulled down his mask, but Tenzou undone by the situation soldiered on. It was only when he felt the pull of the other man’s hand on his shoulder that his balanced slipped, half wobbly and shameful. Kakashi steadied him with one hand, and pulled his face into his own with the other. His mouth, Tenzou thought, tasted like shochu, harsh and biting, and he froze.

Kakashi brought him closer, and Tenzou momentarily let him. They stayed together until Tenzou found himself pushing the other back, feeling sick with bile rising up in his throat.

He frowned, for even in the dim moonlight, he could see his wet salvia marking the curve of Kakashi’s lips, and he could also quite clearly see how the other man ran his tongue over the area with a distracted lick. His robes were also askew and Tenzou, disgusted with himself, took a step back, shaking his head and willing Kakashi to stay away.

“I’m sorry, Tenzou,” the other man tried softly, but Tenzou simply shook his head and turned back towards the Estate. Kakashi didn’t _get it_ and he didn’t suppose the other man ever would _._

He returned to the Estate in silence and didn’t bother to see if Kakashi was still following him.

\---

The festivities were beginning to wear on him, but he had to admit that the celebratory party was something beautiful and opulent that only the Hyūga’s could accomplish. It was all very regal like the fine sake in his cup, or like the slowly swimming koi that were perched in exquisitely illuminated bowls all throughout the room.

Tenzou however, was feeling washed out. His exchange with Kakashi had left him dazed and he was not sure if he should just leave and head home at this point. He didn't get the chance—Naruto greeted him, glowing and contagiously happy, and Tenzou in return managed a smile, greeting his former student back like it was easy. They shook hands and Tenzou found himself congratulating the younger man, but soon he was left alone again, unable to find his bearings. Lost, he glided to the nearest table and picked up another small cup of plum wine and brought it headily to his parched lips.

“Tenzou, I think we need to talk.”

The voice that had suddenly appeared by his side belonged to Kakashi. Tenzou felt his chest clench tight, but he forced a smile and quickly, he searched for a distraction. His gaze fell to Sakura, laughing freely with the newly wed bride amidst the throng of the crowd. Tenzou felt his stomach lurch, pre-emptively awash with a strange sense of guilt at what he was about to do.

“Sakura!” he diverted, smiling even wider and swerving around Kakashi. He watched as the other man’s face hardened like graphite under pressure, his feelings surging forth like the rarest of diamonds. His eyes were awash with anger and Tenzou’s stomach pulled, the wine tight in his throat, and he clicked his cup against Kakashi’s with the same convincing smile before disappearing quietly into the crowd.

\---

Tenzou exchanged pleasant conversation with Sakura for the better part of an hour before the other was pulled away by Sai, who for the life of him, could not seem to understand the proper conventionalities of dancing. Tenzou again felt lost, and inadvertently he found himself roaming the east wing of the Hyūga Estate alone. At this point, the walls weren’t straight anymore, instead fluidly escaping his hands. The drink in his hand was bitter and he swallowed another gulp, the last one, and set the cup down on the closest flat surface. He could hear the lingering music from the party in the main hall, and his geta’s clicked once, twice, until he found himself tired of them and bent over to take them off.

His head swam when he did, but he managed to steady himself against the white of the wall, his skin slapping against the surface and stinging enough to make him focus on the pink of his palm. He had been unsuccessful in his endeavour, only one lacquered wooden shoe hanging from his finger while the other remained firmly on his foot.

“Need a hand?” The voice sounded distant in the long hallway and Tenzou looked over his shoulder, a few errant strands of his hair hanging loosely in his eyes. Slowly, Kakashi closed the distance between them and Tenzou sighed. His eyes he noted, were dark, leaning towards grey, and he didn’t know what to make of them.

Kakashi he thought, looked expectant, and Tenzou hated that the other man was bothering to act when he knew he was drunk enough to make bad decisions. Drunk enough to forgive and forget the pseudo-argument in the gardens and the purposeful avoidance in the main hall.

Tenzou closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, holding his hand out to the other man. Kakashi took it and intertwined their fingers, leading him into a dark room before carefully sliding the screen shut.

“You’re drunk,” Kakashi said, sitting him down on the bed.

“I am,” Tenzou replied, but said nothing more.

“You haven’t been this drunk in a while,” Kakashi observed astutely.

“I haven’t,” Tenzou remarked surprisingly easily.

“Mah Tenzou—you’re mad at me again,” Kakashi said slowly.

Unwillingly, Tenzou nodded and laid down, bringing Kakashi with him.

“But I’m fine,” he then told him, but felt his face grow hot when he remembered Genma’s secretive smile when he had once told him that this was the most common of all lies. With his cheeks coloured brightly, he very pointedly chose to stare at the ceiling instead. “We’re fine.”

Kakashi disentangled their fingers and propped himself up on his side, leaning heavily into his elbow.

“If you keep lying to me Tenzou, we’ll never be able to make this work,” Kakashi said, his voice quiet and calm.

“I’m not—,”

“—don’t say you’re not lying. You got drunk at Naruto’s wedding and avoided me for the better part of the evening,” the other man remarked casually.

When Tenzou didn’t respond, the other man laid back down and sighed heavily.

“What’s bothering you, Tenzou?”

His voice was quiet and almost sad sounding, as though he too was very tired and very worn out.

Tenzou blinked at the ceiling, the faint outlines of plaster that sealed the vast expanse of ceiling nearly invisible in the dark grey of the unlit room. Beside him he could hear Kakashi’s quiet breathing, the hitched inhale followed by a shallow exhale repeating monotonously in the dark. Tenzou rolled over and pressed his forehead into the smooth silk of the other man’s shoulder and sighed.

“I’m just…tired, Kakashi,” he finally let out. “I finally have you, but it’s not like I thought it would be. We’re together but it’s like we’re not…we’re just…” He trailed off, unsure of his words and pressed his face further into the crook of the man’s arm, a lone hand resting on the flat planes of Kakashi’s stomach, hidden by a thick belt.

“We live together Tenzou,” the other man said softly, resting a careful hand on top of Tenzou’s. “We buy groceries together and pay bills together and sleep in the same bed together. I’m not sure what more you want…”

Tenzou rolled his head back, trying to catch Kakashi’s gaze in the dark, but he could barely make out the outline of his jaw, Kakashi’s fingers slipping up to pull down the thin fabric of his mask. Kakashi was right. They did all those things—hell, they did all those things and more. It was just that…it wasn’t enough. Not for Tenzou. Not after waiting for so long. Not after all the lost years and the heartache and the confusion that had followed leading up to what they had now. He just wanted…he wanted them to be _normal._

But, he thought dourly only seconds later, that was never going to happen. This was Kakashi they were talking about. Not to mention that when Tenzou thought about it, he was not exactly a walking case of textbook normalcy or functionality himself.

Unnerved, he tried to disentangle their hands again, but Kakashi stopped him, clinging to his fingers tightly and curling them into his own.

“ _Tell me_ ,” the other man tried, his voice more carelessly desperate than quiet now.

Tenzou was again quiet momentarily, trying uneasily to find the proper words to convey how and what he wanted. He knew it was unobtainable, but that didn’t stop him from feeling the way he did.

“Tenzou?” Kakashi spoke quietly again when he had remained silent. Tenzou turned his head and found himself staring up at the ceiling again. In the distance, there was muffled cheering, and silently, he blinked.

“Recognition,” he finally breathed out after what seemed like an inexcusable amount of time had passed.

He wasn’t sure, but through the darkness, he thought he saw Kakashi nod. Tenzou, tired, closed his heavy eyes.

\---

It was late and the partygoers’ population had dwindled after Hinata and Naruto had disappeared into another wing of the Estate to retire for the evening.

All that remained were half-filled wine cups and abandoned bottles of sake and Tenzou lingered. Kakashi was leaning against the furthest wall away from him, eyes steered out the window and into the dark night sky, his index finger tracing the rim of his saucer. His expression, as always, appeared neutral, marred by the slight traces of a smile, only made obvious by the slight crinkling of his eyes.

Tenzou brought his hand to his hair and pushed it behind his ear. He licked the muted, sticky alcohol off his lips and then set down his cup on the nearest table a little too strongly. The liquid sloshed over the rim, but he was too tired to even care.

“Hey, Tenzou—,”

It was Kakashi. Tenzou watched as he pushed off the wall with no visible effort, no rush of breath and no flaws. Perfect as always. Tenzou fiddled with his hair again, feeling slow and dizzy with nervous energy, and Kakashi reached out to him, the brown locks of his hair brushing past his thumb as the other man leaned in to comb them out of his eyes. His fingers, careful as they were, caught and pulled; Tenzou sucked in a breath and Kakashi halted, curling his fingers out of his hair and around his neck, and finally onto his shoulders. He smelled like the sort of drinks that Tenzou did not like, like shochu and mint, breath bitter and cool. Tenzou closed his eyes, leaning in, and the other did not push him away.  

It wasn’t much—the people around them were either gone or too drunk to care—but it was something.

Softly, Tenzou smiled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I really wanted to post this a few months ago, but unfortunately I had some pretty big personal family issues I had to deal with, and I was unable to really finish this until recently due to lack of motivation. I realize it's pitifully short in comparison to it's predecessor, but to be able to actually write something again without feeling like what I'm putting out is complete garbage is a big thing to me right now. At the moment, I'm not sure where the future of this series is going, but I'll tentatively say it's not finished. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks.


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